Knowing His Secret

From being the ‘uncoy’ mistress to not obsessing over ‘that time of the month’, we recount 10 surprising things he expects you to know
but will never tell you about. By Priya Chaphekar

Spice things up
However macho he might be, a man likes to be submissive in bed once in a while. Seriously, missionary is so passé. Bring out that leather corset and the handcuffs from your honeymoon kit and pull off your own version of ‘50 Shades’. “Many women wait for the guy to take the first step, but it’s even more exciting when the girl suggests a new place or position. It not only fuels our desire, but also reaffirms the existing emotional connect,”reveals 38-year-old chartered accountant Abhishek Deshpande. The trick is to keep the fire burning bright, baby.

Say yes to sex
A man’s needs are simple. All he needs is a quickie
or a blowjob to make himself feel better, so why don’t you? May be not during your period, but get into the mood as often as you can, for it’ll work as an amazing stressbuster for you too. “Unlike women, a majority of men, however modern, communicate better through actions than through words. And when it comes to satisfying their woman, they tend to get lost and eventually give up. Thereafter, sex seems like a chore for the woman who expects the man to magically know his moves. She reckons it’s only about a physical release for him, whereas he’s trying hard to secure something deeper,”elaborates 28-year-old entrepreneur Amisha Gala. A good idea would be to navigate him and help him satisfy you without being unreasonable. And if you do, try to remember how long it took you to find your G-spot.

The M & Boon
Your man will disregard a crystal pedicure or an aromatherapy massage as being far too feminine, but 99 per cent of the time, he’ll thank you for the romantic couple spa you signed the two of you up for. So, once in a while, ditch the girls and take your man out for a candlelit dinner and shower him with romantic gestures. “It’s wrong for a woman to always expect her partner to pamper her. Men deserve some TLC too, even if it is as insignificant as their spouse fixing their tie or preparing their favourite meal,” insists 38-year-old senior quality executive Harshad Borkar. But before you slather him in mush, try and understand what he wants—a backrub, a cuddle or some fish and chips by the sea?

Assumption of risk
“Girls are taught a lot of stuff growing up. If a guy punches you, he likes you. Never try to trim your own bangs and someday you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending.” The opening line from the movie He’s Just Not That Into You professes the kind of assumptions we women make all our lives when it comes to men. If he doesn’t notice our haircut, we conclude that he’s met another woman; if he wants to watch an action movie with the boys, we wonder if his priorities have changed. But what we forget to do is to ask. If you’re expecting him to read between the lines, you’re certainly in for a gamble. “When in doubt, ask. Forget the grey areas of hints and gentle suggestions and have a clear and honest discussion about things that are bothering you. Men are wired to respond better to a simple, direct sentence than a long-drawn, well-articulated hint,” informs Harshad.

Respect the boy time
Men want to be the centre of your world, but they also don’t want you to call them a thousand times when they’re with the boys. Stop being so available and unreasonably possessive and let him hang out with his friends. Confesses 30-year-old media professional Rajesh Singh, “Before we got married, our gang of five boys met for drinks every Friday night. You see, the one thing a guy wants is to meet his buddies after a long week and discuss common topics of interest. These days, we cannot meet even though we really want to.” The next time he has a gaming night, go get drunk with the girls, we say. He’ll adore the thrill of the chase.

Dress to kill
Nope, dressing up doesn’t imply spending hours before the mirror applying make-up clicking selfies. That’s what phonies do. Be a real woman—elegant and sophisticated. Dont’ forget that natural is sexier when it comes to make-up.
A dash of kohl and a lip stain is enough to get his attention. If kids are a trouble, drop them to their grandparents’ for a couple
of hours. Remember that although your husband appreciates your devotion towards the children, there are times when he feels left out and wishes you spend time with him. “Your children may want to tag along at first, but they need to know that spending some alone time with your husband is just as important. It’s a valuable lesson for them as well in the longer run,” says 38-year-old German language translator Kanchan Kale.

He needs you more
In her book For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men, bestselling author, speaker, and nationally-syndicated newspaper columnist, Shaunti Feldhahn, says, “Just as you need the man in your life to love you unconditionally, even when you’re not particularly lovable, your man needs you to demonstrate your respect for him regardless of whether he’s meeting your expectations at the moment.”
Women are wired to express what they feel, but men aren’t. They’ll think ten times before giving away their insecurities. And that’s what makes them more vulnerable in a relationship. Your man may not vocalise it, but he does need genuine reassurance that he is doing well professionally as well as personally. Even if he is not, it’s your job to make him feel secure and confident as his partner. When in doubt, remember Dr John Gottman’s 5:1 ratio: Think of five positive things for every negative remark you make.

Don’t be a wallflower
Gone are the days when women sat back and did things dictated to them by their partners. Today’s man wants a woman who’ll not only take charge but also be considerably aggressive—be it intellectual conversations or adventurous activities. He doesn’t want his wife to spend the whole day in the kitchen but instead embark on adventures with him. “As partners, you’re supposed to make the most of your time together. What’s the point of going out with someone who doesn’t enjoy a refreshing hike or refuses to dance at a party?”asks 34-year-old adventure junkie Shekhar Amolkar.