Sex & The City

Virtual addiction, long working hours, lack of physical activity and hours spent on commuting to the work place—does this all sound like a familiar scene? one that has been affecting your sex life majorly?
If your answer is yes, take note of what Aruna Rathod has to say.

Remember that line, ‘Not tonight darling, I have a headache’.Well, the headache wasn’t actually a real one, but a representative of all the ‘stressors’ that interfered with sex. Now that everyone knows what ‘that headache’ really represents, why not deal with it? One can never stop trying to improve one’s sex life after all.
Modern life is stressful and this can cause the libido to reduce. “From where I see it, the main reason is lack of quality time with your loved one. We can name all the reasons that lead to this situation: travel, social media, internet, television, work stress, privacy issues, all contribute to the sexual desire being reduced,” explains Dr Niraj Ravani.

Increased work stress
Modern life has made some chores easy, allowing time for a variety of activities. Yet it comes with its own set of disadvantages. Not having enough sex is one of the first casualty of modern living. “People in general are getting more and more busier these days with challenges that they have at hand, mainly work-related issues. In order to cope, workload is taken home, and this itself interferes with one’s sex life,” explains Dr Kurien S. Thomas, counselling psychologist & life coach. “Challenges and deadlines have increased, thus leading to stress. Sex is not just a physical act between partners, it is much more. I would like to call sex as love-making as it’s not just a mechanical act but binds spouses with confidence, care, closeness, understanding and familiarity,” he adds.
Tackle it: In order to achieve this, one needs to devote time with genuine efforts to build this relationship. For instance, it is important to take some time off work, and take off on a short holiday, even if it is just a weekend break. Keep one day of the week separate to engage in activities you liked doing as a couple once upon a time, be it going shopping, watching a movie together, or simply cooking together. “Good and proper communication along with faith, trust and hope between spouses is very essential to boost intimacy,” advises Thomas.

Increased internet addiction
Technology at our fingertips is a good thing, but in many cases, technology is actually leading to a disconnect among partners. The general complaint that most psychologists face from couples is ‘He/She is constantly glued to the phone’. Addiction to the internet is one of the new-age addictions and the sad part is that it is available to almost everyone on the move because of smartphones. But as the rule goes; everything is fine if done in moderation, even if it’s porn.
Sexologist Dr Rajendra Sathe defines modern life as the age of the internet and instant connectivity. “The most common complaint that couples have today is: whenever we are together, he/she is hooked either to the television and more recently the mobile phone. This ‘glued’ to a screen continues till late night, then there is no time for intimacy,” he states. As a result of lack of emotional bonding there is reduced intimacy which leads to no sex, in turn.
Tackle it: Couples who are unable to have a healthy sex life need counselling, to first understand what the problem is. “Earlier we didn’t have these kinds of problems. Being addicted to a screen is as bad as being addicted to alcohol or cigarettes. In case of stress, one needs to seek practical solutions in order to improve one’s lifestyle. Counselling helps but there too both partners must be ready to seek solutions and adhere to what is being advised,” adds Dr Sathe. For instance, it could be something as simple as reducing the time spent on commuting. “I once counselled a couple to change their residence and come close to the place of work since they were spending most of their hours on the road,” explains Sathe. “Sometimes, practical solutions work.”

Lack of physical activity
Another aspect of modern life that interferes with sex lives is the lack of physical activity. For most urban couples, it’s a direct movement from the office chair onto the couch with no exercise or stress-busting activity. This inactivity leaves one with very little desire for sex.
Tackle it: Physical exercise of some form is very important for a healthy sex life. “In our busy schedule we forget to hug, to kiss, to listen… we are on the go… we just need to slow down, sit back and relax and hold hands… that's an aphrodisiac. Modern life however hectic has ample room for our sex life… we just need to get the right dose of our aphrodisiac!” points out Dr Ravani.

Remember, with age it is the quality of time you spend with your partner and not the quantity that’s important. So, make the most of the time with your partner starting now!

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