Can you be in love forever?

Does the phrase ‘butterflies-in-my-stomach’ remind you of those breezy times that you spent with your loved one and the sweet-nothings you whispered into each other’s ears? If you wish to live that feeling always, check out what forever-in-love couples do right. Meri Saheli finds out

When something comes easy in today’s day and age, we always end up having that nagging thought: ‘this isn’t going to last’! No wonder we believe that it’s almost impossible to be in love for a whole lifetime!

Could you be in love forever?

Being forever in love doesn’t happen only in novels or in movies; it can happen in reality too. All you need to do is never stop growing and evolving, believes Dr Rajan Bhonsle, Founder Director of Heart to Heart Counselling Centre. “You can be in love forever. It is only when a couple stops evolving that conflicts develop and the romance between couples comes to an end,” he states.

How do conflicts develop?

Dr Bhonsle believes that being unaware about your partner is the major reason why problems crop up in a relationship. He adds, “Most of the time, one doesn’t pay attention to one’s partner’s needs and suddenly wakes up to find that the partner has changed and is no longer the person one fell in love with. Every relationship has a graph that moves forward. It is how each individual reacts at various points in the graph that determines the survival of the relationship. It is the responsibility of both the individuals in a relationship to take the efforts required to accept the changes taking place and grow accordingly.” As Wayne Dyer, American self-help advocate, author and lecturer puts it, “When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.” Being in love forever simply means being in tandem with each other’s needs, growth and dreams.

Your ‘forever in love’ checklist

Dr Bhonsle believes that there are three C’s—Communication, Care and Commitment—which you need to follow when you wish to never lose out on the ‘feeling of first love’.
Communication:
“The key to a successful relationship is communication. You need to talk to each other and you have to say what you want,” says Hollywood actress, Jennifer Aniston. Communication ensures that you constantly learn more about your partner. It also helps that you are not going to be in for a rude shock later. The more you talk, the greater is your interest in your partner.
Care: Love is not about extravagance, it’s about caring for each other by doing the small things they love. It is the initial phase where you need to win your partner over that is tough. After that, it is up to the efforts you put to keep the love intact by seeing to it that you don’t give up on the care you showed initially.
Commitment: Estrangement and love cannot exist simultaneously for a long time. Commitment is the crux of any long-lasting relationship and the proof lies in the form of sterling couples like Rishi and Neetu Kapoor who have braved the many storms of married life through sheer perseverance and commitment towards each other.
Note: “While the three C’s are essential to being in love forever, love should not be bound by rules. You must feel free in love,” advises Dr Bhonsle.

Transformation is the key

If you are ready to transform your love life, emulate these forever-in-love couples who believe that a fairy tale romance is not a myth. See what they do right.
The power couple in love:
Michelle and Barack Obama
In an interview, the editor of one of America’s leading magazines has described Michelle and Barack Obama to be extremely warm, loving and engaging. “They talk to one another—they sit at the table and discuss what happened at school…,” she said.
What they do right: Communicate.

How to follow them:

1. Make your significant other, top priority. Barack Obama still gifts Michelle flowers and takes her out on romantic dates. No matter what the length of your relationship is, give utmost importance to your partner and surprise him/her with romantic plans.
2. Indulge in just enough public display of affection: During his election night victory speech, Barack Obama referred to his wife Michelle as the “love of his life”, hugged her tight and kissed her. Compliment your partner in front of others and stare into each other’s eyes. You are sure to earn brownie points.
3. Family time is a must: Even during his gruelling election schedule, Obama made it a point to be home with his daughters before bedtime and kept his promise that they would have a puppy when they would enter the White House. Understand that your family is your priority and when you value your family, you value your partner that much more.
   The quietly romantic couple:
   Imran Khan and Avantika Malik
   Eight years seems like an eternity today. The reason why this pair is so special is the fact that they have managed to go strong without letting out much to the public and the media until they decided to declare their love to the world.
   What they do right: Balance professional and personal life.

How to follow them:

1. Make a long-lasting commitment: Their eight-year-long commitment saw them take it up a notch further in the form of marriage. Commitment is a must when it comes to staying in a long-lasting relationship. So commit to your loved one today.
2. Persevere always: Considering how fickle the film industry can be, they kept themselves away from all the limelight, in order to cement their relationship further. If you love a person, put in the effort and the gesture won’t go unrecognised.

Need more inspiration?

If you need to know some more secrets of forever-in-love couples, here they are:
Vishal Malhotra, successful TV anchor, married his long-time girlfriend Rashi, in December 2010.
Our couple rule: It is to have no rule in our relationship.
How we tackle our issues: We keep our cool and try not to over-react instantly. It is always better to sit and analyse the problem, as 90 per cent of the anger evaporates during this time.
How we surprise each other: I am quite romantic and keep expressing my affection by giving her good surprises. Recently, I packed our bags and took her along without disclosing anything about the destination we were headed to—until we got our boarding passes at the airport and she learnt that we were headed to Goa.

Our forever-in-love rule: It is important to make sure that you want to marry the person before tying the knot. As the age-old saying goes, ‘You should always marry the person in front of whom you can be 120
per cent yourself.’
Vivaan Bathena, model-cum-actor married Nikhila last year, and the duo plan to live happily ever after.
Our couple rule: It is to remember that this is the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with and always focus on the positive.
How we tackle our issues: We believe in communication, and all the issues seem to thus fix themselves.
How we surprise each other: It’s not the big things but the smaller things that keep you going. We have decided to spend more time together and Monday night is our date night. Every month, we take a holiday at least for a weekend.
Our forever-in-love rule: No matter what happens or how much we fight, we realise that we are going home with this very person. The eventuality or the outcome is the same.