Sexual intimacy forms a beautiful part of one’s life. But this beauty can turn into an ugly truth if you are forced into unnatural sexual acts. Namrata D’souza throws light on the darker side of this dangerous phenomenon
Case Studies
- Geetika Sharma, 23, took to the skies with dreams in her eyes with her career as a flight attendant. Little did she know that having joined former Haryana Minister Gopal Goyal Kanda’s now-defunct MDLR Airlines would shatter her dream! The nation woke up to the news of Geetika’s suicide on August 5. In her suicide note, Geetika accused Kanda and a senior colleague Aruna Chaddha of harassing her. Geetika’s post-mortem report revealed that she was subjected to unnatural sex.
- A 30-year-old woman in a small town in Madhya Pradesh murdered her husband as she was fed up with his demands for unnatural sex. She was beaten black and blue when she refused to give in to his demands. He was about to strike her with a stone when she snatched it from him and ended his life instead.
- A man in Kerala was given life imprisonment and asked to pay a fine of # 70,000 for having indulged in unnatural sex with a 14-year-old boy and later killing him.
The hazardous phenomenon
Unnatural sex – an occurrence associated with both genders – is cutting across all social and cultural barriers. So what does it mean? The Indian Penal Code of the Indian Constitution defines unnatural sex as ‘whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal.’ Leading sexologist Dr Rajan Bhonsle concurs, “Sexual instinct by nature arose for the cause of procreation and thus any act that does not support reproduction is termed as unnatural.” Now among the different types of unnatural sexual acts, the one causing a lot of strife among couples today is that which includes Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) ‘role plays’, with sadomasochism being the main culprit.
BDSM alert!
“My husband doesn’t seem to get aroused unless he spanks me.” “My partner makes me use strange objects like flogs or cuffs on him. Only after that does he feel like having sex with me.” These are some of the common grievances heard when it comes to sadomasochistic partners – those who get the urge to behave recurrently in a manner wanting to be humiliated, beaten, bound or otherwise made to suffer for sexual pleasure (masochism) or wanting to inflict pain or humiliation onto a person for the purpose of sexual arousal (sadism). Got your head in a spin? Here are some of the BDSM acts that will give you a better idea of why sadomasochism acts fall under the purview of unnatural sexual act(s) – paraphilias, which as Dr Bhonsle explains, is a condition in which “a person’s sexual arousal and fulfilment depends on an unusual fantasy theme of an uncommon sexual experience that becomes the essential and primary focus of his/her sexual behaviour.”
- Bondage – Using handcuffs, tying the partner’s hands and legs or spreading their hands and legs and fastening them by chains on to a Spreader’s bar for erotic pleasure.
- Discipline – Deriving sexual pleasure by disciplining one’s partner by causing pain either physically (caning, spanking) or psychologically (humiliating incidents in private or public). The latest sensation in the world of literature, the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy demonstrates this act accurately across many pages of the series.
- Chastity belt – The erotic fantasy associated with one partner gaining complete control over
the other’s sexual life – when, where and how they may have sex. The wearer of the belt is forbidden sexual pleasure, at times unable to even touch their own genitals, which arouses the dominant partner in the relationship. Although not falling strictly under this context, the shocking incident in Indore a couple of months back shows just how torturous the chastity belt act could be. When doctors were treating Sohan Lal Chouhan’s wife after she attempted suicide, they were horrified at discovering that her husband had pierced her private part with needles and ‘locked’ her genitals for he feared she may have an extramarital affair when he is not around. - Whipping – Erotic beating of one’s buttocks either manually or by whips, canes or a spanking paddle for the gratification of either one of the partners.
- Sexual role play – Many of the BDSM sexual role plays have a power equation aspect to them where one partner plays the dominant role and the other the role of a submissive and they enact different fantasies. The submissive must obey every order of the dominant during the role play.
Spicing up sex life
Aren’t role plays and spanking supposed to add a bit of spice to your sexual life? “These BDSM acts can be defined more as quirks and that would seem normal. However, when it goes beyond just being mild games and turns ruthless, then it becomes a problem. When these acts cross the threshold of pain, they then become unnatural. Thus, more than calling them natural or unnatural acts, you look at them as acts that cause pain or pleasure,” says Dr Saloni Sawnani, a Clinical Psychologist in Mumbai. Dr Bhonsle believes that one must start being wary of these acts when their partner just can’t be aroused in any other way than these. Founder & Chief Clinical Psychologist, Inner Space Counselling & Assessment Centre in Mumbai, Dr Sadia Raval adds, “The parameters change when the couple indulges in these acts willingly or if one is being forced to do so. Any forced act causes emotional distress and the same goes with the
BDSM acts.”
Gain or pain?
These acts can be extremely traumatic for the ones on whom they are forced. Here’s how:
Physical pain: Unnatural sexual acts such as caning or whipping can cause tremendous amount of physical pain to the one who is subjected to it. The use of chastity belts is considered downright horrendous and can prove to be injurious. The victim could also be prone to different kinds of infections.
Psychological damage: A person who is forced to take part in unnatural sexual acts goes through a lot of mental stress. According to Dr Sawnani, “It deals a severe blow to one’s self-esteem. The person is made to feel out of control. There is a sense of losing control of one’s own body, a fall in self-image and an overall loss of confidence not only in the bedroom but outside of it.” Dr Bhonsle adds, “Victims develop a certain anxiety. They love their partner but not the act and hence can’t seem to understand what to do.” There has hardly been a case where both the parties have fully agreed to one being the complete dominant and the other completely submissive. The submissive partner often snaps, falling into depression; and some eventually give up their lives.
The violated feeling: Unnatural sexual acts such as these cause a person to feel that their own space, privacy or body has been violated and Dr Raval strongly believes that this rings true not just for anyone who is forced to do something unnatural. “Any act committed without the consent of the person is akin to raping the person,” she says.
Woman–a vulnerable target?
Dr Bhonsle states that these paraphilias are more commonly seen in men than in women. Does that make woman a soft target for being a victim? Dr Sawnani reasons, “The childhood conditioning that most women go through makes them believe that they are the weaker sex and that the submissive role does not change even in their sexual lives.” Women give in to the demands of their partners, feeling that they must make their man feel pleasurable at any cost. Dr Raval argues that a person is well aware of what is happening when the sexual act is being committed and, if one is uncomfortable, then the act must not go on. However,
cDr Bhonsle feels that it’s not so easy. “Many women in the country are still uneducated and lack sexual knowledge. They do not think they must question their partner’s acts and blindly go ahead with it – sometimes even when they do not enjoy those acts – to simply avoid fights.” The fear of acceptance by the family and society if they file for divorce on the basis of this torture, also causes them to never fight back against this, he adds. These and various other reasons contribute to women (like the one in Indore) losing their lives to this unnatural sex monster. Beware of its bite!
